I spent the last week in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico celebrating my sister’s final days of being single. The trip was an absolute blast. We were blessed with great weather, a good group of girls, and lots of fun times that resulted in many inside jokes that will last for years to come.
And while I had a great time, the mindset work that I had to do before and during the trip was a bit intense. I felt myself constantly reframing the thoughts in my head. I had to remind my self to stop playing that awful comparison game. You know the one that we sometimes play when we aren’t necessarily feeling like the best version of ourselves?
As the trip got closer and closer my anxiety rose, almost to the point where I considered backing out. The thought of having to wear a bathing suit in public was mortifying. I’m not exactly as thin as I once was thanks to Hashimoto’s, my poorly functioning adrenals and pituitary issues, but I didn’t take in account how far I’ve come in the last few years. Nor did I take in account how hard I've worked to love and accept my body as it is. I just kept thinking of how my inherited, pear-shaped figure along with my auto-immune conditions were a curse.
I was going to be with a group of gorgeous, fit girls and wasn’t sure where I fit in, body wise. My confidence was shot. Finally the day came where I had to go shopping for the trip. All the swim suits that were in my drawer were bikinis and way too small or unflattering for my body. WTF, was I going to do?!
I grabbed my trusty, if not biased, advisor (my awesome boyfriend) and headed to the mall. I was shocked to realize that I found not one but several swim suits that I loved and that looked super cute on me. I got several nods of approval from my guy. Shopping had it’s ups and downs. The things I wanted to wear I couldn’t yet fit into or I was discouraged by the size of clothes that I needed to get, but I ended up finding some really cute things. By the time I was packing for my trip I was feeling pretty damn good until we landed in Cabo and I had to get ready to hit the pool.
I did it though. I shimmied into my suit and headed to the pool with my group of gorgeous babes and guess what, I had a great time. I was in Mexico with these girls on a much needed and deserved vacation. I noticed when I wasn’t focused on how I looked or comparing my body to one of a 20 year old, I had a great time and came to life, but when I started to look around is when that little, inner, bitchy voice would come into play and I would become suspended.
This is when the real internal work had to be done. Thankfully, I’ve learned a lot by being coached and coaching others in these last few years. I would reframe my thoughts, talk to myself and thank that bitchy, little voice for bringing whatever negative, self-deprecating thoughts she brought to the forefront of my mind. I would thank my body for all that it’s gone through with me and will continue to go through with me. I thanked it for carrying me for so long, helping me give life to another human, for the power to keep pushing me through on some of my worst days.
There’s still stuff to work on, but this trip changed my mindset around my body image. I’ve come a long way in the last few years and that’s why I’m passionate about helping other women get out of their own damn way to love themselves and their lives.
The girls I was with weren’t looking at and judging me. The ones I love and that love me don’t think about me the way I sometimes think about myself. I know I can still turn heads when I’m out, so why must I be so self-critical?!
The more I showed my body and myself love and gratitude for where I am and how far I have come the more comfortable I began to feel. We all have our stories and most of us, no matter our size, has something we don’t like about ourselves or our bodies, but what if you could change the way you felt about that one thing? What would that open up for you?
Here were my big 3 take aways:
Where you are today doesn’t mean you’ll be in the same place tomorrow. We are constantly evolving. Loving you for you and where you are today, is really the best thing you can do for you and those around you. You deserve to love you, because you are a work of art!
All my love.
P.S. Here's a few pics from the trip…